Thai Girls are Easy
In my experience, many Western men misunderstand Thai women. And it all comes down to not really understanding Thai culture.
For many Western men, their only real exposure to Thai women has been shop girls, hotel staff and bar girls. And it is only the bar girls that they communicate with in any meaningful way. I mean you can’t easily have a 30 minute conversation with the receptionist in the Hotel can you?
This sets up a bit of a problem. Because then, the perception of what Thai women are really like is coloured too much, by ‘dare I say it’ the wrong type of girls. Much as Thai bar girls might be sweet and cute, and totally unlike their equivalent in Western countries, they are none the less not typical of Thai Women!
The other mistake I think Western men often make, particularly those who are new to Thailand, is to assume that Thai Girls are just like Western girls. Wrong! Big Time.
It is not easy for Western men to meet ‘normal’ Thai women, particularly if only visiting Thailand for a short period. And when and if they do, some of the cultural differences might seem to the ‘uninitiated’ that the Thai woman is playing games.
Before I met Pat, I was lucky in many respects. As I was travelling to Thailand a lot on business, and was interested in Thai Culture, I took time out to learn. Some of the language, but in particular, the cultural aspects. Because I had one of those ‘feelings’ that I might end up marrying a Thai lady.
I read a lot about cross cultural relationships and marriages. And much to Pat’s surprise, I really did know what I was geting into. Nothing came as a shock. I would advise any Western man considering a relationship with a Thai woman to do the same. Do your homework!
Here are some key points my homework (and marriage) taught me:
- Do NOT expect a Thai girl from a good family to sleep with you on the first date, second date or even tenth date! It will probbaly take an engagement ring at least! Thai women hold their virginity very dear and want to make sure it is only given up to the man they will marry.
- On your first dates, you might even have a chaperone tagging along. It may NOT be appropriate for the girl to go out with you alone.
- Do not ‘pressure’ the girl into a physical relationship. You are asking her to choose between you (and you might only be after a holiday romance) her family honour and her culture. If you are that desperate, leave the poor girl to find a different (more honourable) man and head to one of the bars!
- If her family does not like you, the relationship may have to end. Don’t ask her to choose between you and her family. YOU will lose.
- Thai women (and men) are expected to pay part of their salary to their parents. This is the parents’ safety net. Remember there is no old age pension scheme or worthwhile medical scheme. It is expected. She (your wife / girlfriend) will expect it. If you cannot handle the concept, leave Thai girls alone.
- Within reason, you will be expected to ‘help out’ financially if urgent/unexpected crises occur. That’s the Thai family way. Those who can, help out. If your wife/girlfriend is a good person, they will ‘manage’ this well to make sure you are not taken advantage of. (Pat does this really well. We only ‘help out’ in dire emergencies and the family understands that. In fact they very rarely ask, we usually offer)
- DON’T expect your Thai girlfriend to give up everything to come and live with you in your country, to ‘see how it goes’. They are leaving their family, perhaps their job (good jobs are VERY hard to get). Then there are all the loss of face issues if it does not work out. An engagement ring is probably the least you need to expect. Many girls will expect marriage before even thinking of moving overseas. Quite rightly in my view.
- DON’T impose YOUR culture on her. Sure she will come to learn your ways. But make the effort, to learn about her culture, her family values, and understand what needs she has. Becauase she may not openly voice concerns in the way a Western woman would.
If this sounds a bit one way, it is. If you want a successful, loving, long lasting relationship with a Thai woman, it takes effort. Effort from YOU. It is NOT like a relationship with a Western woman. Got it?
But if you make the effort………………it’s well worth it.
Oh, a couple of final points.
Your job and income. This is SO much more of an issue than in the West. Quite simply, a Thai woman cannot afford to marry a guy who is financially insecure. OK, some do. But they would always prefer a guy who can adequately provide for them. It’s the whole financial security and ‘safety net’ thing. Remember this is for life and in Thailand there are no Government handouts to help you if times become hard. Brought up in that culture makes you very focused on NOT being poor.
Your Age. Many Thai women have told me that they would prefer to marry an older Western man over a younger man. Why? It comes down to understanding, financial security, and maturity to accept the issues that might crop up. (that’s what I’ve been told………don’t shoot the messenger).
So for the younger guys, there might be a lesson in there somewhere.